Friend

Friends are meant to be there for life. There are certain people whom you consider where near to you and their actions tend to affect you whereas there are certain friends who are just friends i.e. when they are around you feel good but they have their own lives and you have your own life they are just there for you when you are planning to have fun and you are in a jolly mood.
But it is actually the friends whose lives are as important to you as yours are the ones with whom you will get angry the most and will fight the most. Everything that happens in their social life is important to you. The kinds of friends they make, the kinds of people they hate, you just want to have a say in it all. And i guess we all have such friends in our lives. At times it might appear that they are peeking too much in our personal lives, but when they dont it hurts us too.
Nishant and Kripali happen to be such friends of mine and i feel lucky to have them in my life because they are pure jewels. They happen to be such good people whom you can go to and share everything in your life and they would listen patiently and help you out. Every time i am stuck in a problem, I know that they both will be there for me.
Today when i was going thorugh my fb timeline it was filled up with all those posts from 2010, 2009 and 2011.. days when life was totally something else.. days when life had a totally different meaning.. days when friends were the most prized possession. And this left me thinking about these old good chaps, NIshant and Kripali, whom i am going to miss once I leave this college. It just made me realise that how integral they were to my happiness and in turn my life altogether.
It is amazing that i managed to make friends with two random people having totally different tastes, totally different backgrounds and we ended up being such amazing friends.
Memories of time spent together get sweeter with time just like wine does ( i guess.. not good with alcohols ). Lavi di's marriage, the trips, sitting together in class, Ranthambore trip everything.. but more importantly it is those small memories.. sitting together at any random place and just gossiping.. that i s what made our friendship what it is today and i am proud to have friends such as these.
Thanks for coming in my life and making it what it is today :)

What if?

What if he leaves me? What if he cheats me again? What if he turns out to be exactly like everyone else on the campus is saying? What if we werent meant for each other? What if he is a dork? What of he doesnt loves me and he acts like he he loves me? What if he ii s exactly the replica of every other boy i have met? What if I cant trust anyone again?
What if he actually loves me? What if we had ended up in a great relationship? What if he is nothing like what everyone else on the campus is saying? What if we were meant just for each other? What if I have failed to understand him and he always loved me? What if I had given him another chance?
What if I had just listened to what he had to say? What if I had given him another chance?

I guess there are too many what ifs when you are supposed to make the so called tough decision of whether to give the guy another chance or not? In both cases i.e. if you decide to give the guy another chance or if you dont decide to give the guy another chance, there will always come a moment in life when you will lament over your decision becuase there is now ay of knowing whether the decison you took was correct or not. You dont know whether you would have been more hppier with tht guy or without that guy, You would love him, no matter what but the people around you would just not allow you to say yes . And just when you are about to say no to the guy someone will come and say something and ask you to say yes to the guy and you wuld think again thus confusing yourself cause this is what you wanted to hear actually. Because you hapen to know that it is not easy to forget someone whom you had loved for so long, especially when he is your first love.

I remember the Sneha that I knew was jolly and witty. Today when i see her, the pain is clearly evident. I rememebr the day when i was sitting at Dispensary and i saw her there too, i knew there was something awkward about her. Something just didnt seem right. I could feel the gloomy aura around her despite the fact that she had friends around and they were laughing like it was the last day. But it was only a day later that i came to know that she had had to go through all that and i have got to say she is an incredby tough girl.

But then I wish she makes the right choice. Meanwhile I will go and prepare for my end sems in order to pass them. :) good night dear diary..

To love or not to love

Its been a long time i guess since i talked about something like love. Well its been quite some time since she came and told me her small yet interesting story.
Sneha was an amazing person who hails from the same city as i do. Well she had this aura around her. the poise she carried. She hated working but she was god-hearted. Kind funny and yeah not to forget she loved to make fun of others. and trust me it would be a nightmare if she is insulting you cause she happens to be quite sarcastic. Having studied in an all girls schools from the beginning of her childhood, college happened to be her first real involvement in an ecosystem that was not gender specific. So she did fell in love with this guy,  Yash.
Yash, i dont know much about him . Actually i don't happen to anything about him. Having said that there is one thing though, he belongs to that particular section of people who are just not satisfied with what they have. They want to have more. Thy just don't know the value of the thing or in this case person that they happen to have. Well, he is not the bad kind of a person and definitely not the devil that everyone is trying to make out of him. He is just a normal guy who just wanted to get in a relationship and when sneha was interested he made full use of the opportunity.
He just never valued her. She was like a fixed deposit. the kind of deposit that just remains there while you explore other opportunities. Well he just  forgot that the another girl he was considering an opportunity happened to be a good friend of the fixed deposit.
I know that what he did was wrong. Maybe he deserves punishment for it. What he did was definitely not what he should have ideally done.
Sneha came to know and she broke up with him. Well it took that dumb wit a week to apologise to her.
People got something interesting and they all wanted to be a part of it. They just happened to forget that what do these two people have to go through, one who is being projected as a cheap and a degraded kind of a person who is just not meant for MNIT and the other who is being pitied upon and is thought of an innocent girl who someone used for his personal gains. People just forget that it is actually those two people who have to suffer everything and while for others it is just a story and a passtime of which they will get bored eventually and they will get something new to keep the talks over coffee going. It is the life of these people that will change drastically and will never be the same again. It is this girl who would find it hard to trust anybody ever again.
But what actually saddens me is not what people do, but what we do because of the people. We let our decisions be affected by what people think and say and what might think and say. Can't for once we just realise that it is our life and we have the bigger say in it and nobody else.
I dont know whether she should forgive Yash or not. But i do know that whatever decision she takes, at the end of the day she should be able to say that i am responsible for the consequences of my decision because i took them.
What i think she should do, she should take a decision as soon as possible. Becasue the more she delays the decision that whether she should forgive him and give him another chance or whether she should forget him and move on in life, the more will be the pain and confusion and dissatisfaction with the decision when taking the decision.
All I hope is that she leads a wonderful life and enjoy her life to the fullest. :)

success and failure

how do you define success and  failures. how do you differentiate between them. How do you know that a certain evebt that occures is a success or a failure. People say that it is very important to fail in order to succeed. Really?.. Is it? in order to succeed it is important to only succeed. Success is what is remembered and not failure by the world, but failure is remembered and not success by the person who is being remebered. Wel i guess thats the difference between a successful man and a failed man or in liberal terms , nota successful man. But still how do you differentatie between failures and successes.
Well i am not sure that what we think as failure is a faiilure or is it actually a success. maybe failure. but i personally think that it is the failures that have redefined me and made me realise that i need to keep on toiling hard in order to prove something not to the world but to yourself. Everytime i look back, all i remember are the failures.. kidding.. i do remember the successes in life but tey havent made me the person i am today,, they have only added feathers to the cap and may be made the cap. But it is acrtually the failures which have been a source of motivation and ignited a zeal to prove to myself that i can be better than that. failure for me is the catual success coz it is failure that makes you value successs.

time as usual..

today was a day filed with good and bad like all other days. it was more of a day where you learn to value things ,value what you have and value what you dont. today was a day when i sat in fron tof the idol of lord Ganesh and asked, if i actually knew what i was doing.. If i actually had a path set out for me.. if i knew where i was headed.. whether i was also like the carcass that just goes on itht eh flowing water?.. whether i posses what it takes to fight the flow of water and make my own way.. ? whether I have it in me what it takes to prove that old saying wrong.. 'life seldom turns out the way we expect it to'. can i make things function the way i want them to?.. i know its not going to be easy.. sacrifices.. pin.. suffering wil definetly be on the way but is the destination worth the journey?. is it? or is it not?.. well i dont know.. time will tell.. ( amazing aint it.. we often leave it to someone.. in this case to something else when we cant figure out what to do or what needs to be done.. its just amazing.. aint it.. one.. in this case to something else when we cant figure out what to do or what needs to be done.. its just amazing.. aint it.. time.. will tell.. hahaha).. i wish it could...

loss

Fame.. a devil.. worse than that.. trust me.. have lost a lot because of it.. just why cant my life me normal for onec.. why everrybody has to interfere in my life and want to know what is going on in my life. Dont i have a right to privacy. Dont i have a right to do things the way i wish to.? Why do i have to think about what people will think and do when they know what i am going? i tried not considering others opinions and doing what i wanted to do. and it has always ended in me losing someone dear to me.. and i guess this is it.. the threshlod. i quit now.. i cant take it any more.. i cant lose anybody now. i just cant. i cant let my life me a public discussion. my life is something that i want to b mine and not somebody elses. so today i do take a decision in my life that will change the entire dynamics of my life. i ma not going to let anybody take away anybody else from me..

i am just not ready for another rumour. i have had way too many tornados in my life because of these rumours and these false accusations, not again, i have already committed the same mistake umpteen number of times to know that things ought to change.